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Recession recovery blues

Bing — Wed, 02 May 2012 09:00:40 +0000

If the downturn is receding, why is my mood indigo?

By Stanley Bing

FORTUNE -- Spring has sprung. The grass is riz. So it's reasonable to ask where the birdies is. Because I don't know about you, but I don't see no birdies. I'm tense. I'm nervous. I guess you could say that my consumer confidence is sort of ... leaky. Why should that be? All signs point to a slow MORE

Your taxing IRS FAQ

Bing — Wed, 11 Apr 2012 15:17:54 +0000

No taxation without obfuscation. It's the American way.

By Stanley Bing

FORTUNE -- This document will help you understand the United States Internal Revenue Code, Title 26 of the U.S. Code (26 USC) as you prepare to file your 2011 returns. Fitting this service onto a single page has necessitated abridgements. The actual tax code is more than 3 million words long and would fill 7,500 pages if printed on letter-size paper. For MORE

B-School confidential

Bing — Wed, 21 Mar 2012 09:00:59 +0000

Will the next generation of MBAs be up to the task of running our great commercial enterprises?

By Stanley Bing

FORTUNE -- I dropped by a famous business school the other day to do what death eaters do when we go to feast on the souls of the young. We talk to them about our industry. We tell them how we got where we are today. Where am I today? At my desk, MORE

Poached eggs

Bing — Wed, 29 Feb 2012 10:00:48 +0000

What happened when the farmers tried to protect their chickens: a fable.

By Stanley Bing

FORTUNE -- Once upon a time there was a farm that produced high-grade eggs for the entire world. This farm, nestled in the hills on the southern end of the very western coast, was small considering the quantity of eggs it produced, but it was successful and proud of its output. The proprietors had grown fat and prosperous, MORE

Best Companies: The quiz

Bing — Wed, 08 Feb 2012 10:00:25 +0000

Does your employer belong in the pantheon? Could it be that the answer depends on where you stand?

By Stanley Bing

FORTUNE -- We've done our best to identify corporations that are a pleasure to work for. But we couldn't possibly list them all. Maybe your company, too, is a party on a half shell! Take this quiz and find out.

When I go to work in the morning, I ...

A. Smile MORE

A look back from 2022

Bing — Wed, 18 Jan 2012 10:00:07 +0000

Remember the old days, before we had even moved government into the Cloud? How did we get anything done?

FORTUNE -- Happy 2022! No, that's not a typo, although it sure seems like it could be. 2022! For a while there it didn't look like we were going to make it, did it? But I think it's fair to say that with the destruction of the last fleet of Nebulons and MORE

All I want for Christmas

Bing — Wed, 28 Dec 2011 18:36:33 +0000

I don't ask for much. A stable euro. An economic recovery. A new Congress. And a Vitamix.

FORTUNE -- Dear Santa

Hi again. It's me, Stan. How is Mrs. Claus? And the elves? Still on leave from Wharton? How about the North Pole? I hear it's melting. That can't be good. Anyhow, enough about you. This is about me, and all the good things I want to find under my tree this MORE

Europe, go home!

Bing — Wed, 07 Dec 2011 10:00:22 +0000

Whatever you've got, it's obviously contagious. So until you're feeling better, hasta la vista, baby!

FORTUNE -- So I came into work this morning, and before I even had a chance to butter my muffin, I watched our stock take a nosedive. And we weren't alone. The whole market was bleeding. "Drat," I said, although that was not the word I used. I called Tupper, our IR guy. "What's up?" I MORE

The peasants are revolting!

Bing — Wed, 16 Nov 2011 10:00:57 +0000

What plutocrats can do to take Wall Street back from the occupiers

FORTUNE -- Order! Order! All right then. This meeting of the Ultra-Secret Super Committee to Defeat the Wall Street Occupation is now in session. And let me just say how nice it feels to be back together after the hiatus of the past several years. Let's not let our agendas lapse that way ever again, gentlemen. It's too much MORE

The BlackBerry’s preserve

Bing — Wed, 19 Oct 2011 09:00:58 +0000

If you want to play Angry Birds, get an iPhone. But if you need to do business, stand by your old friend.

FORTUNE --When I was 12, my family moved from Chicago to the suburbs of New York City. The first day at my new school, I slipped on my customary outfit -- clean white T-shirt, Levi's, and desert boots -- hopped on my bike, got there on time. Nobody was MORE

Thanks, Steve

Bing — Mon, 12 Sep 2011 09:00:31 +0000

We've all been lucky to live in a world where there was a person with such an imagination.

I want to take this opportunuity, before time and our common mortality rob me of the chance to do so, to thank you, Steve Jobs, for all that you have done for me. No, I never had the privilege of meeting you, or had a chance to get yelled at by you in MORE

Attack of the killer chicken

Bing — Wed, 07 Sep 2011 09:00:13 +0000

The business fundamentals are actually pretty healthy. So why is the sky falling?

Things were going until last week. Or maybe it was the week before. It doesn't matter. Nothing matters now. All that value destroyed. And it was so unnecessary. Revenues were up. People had a shaky belief that the economy was doing okay. The market was reaching for 12,000. Our stock was growing plump in the sun. But none MORE

The business police blotter: Summer edition

Bing — Wed, 17 Aug 2011 09:00:08 +0000

It's been a busy season for the brave men and women who keep a lid on funny business.

Police blotter, July 28 (Suspicious Circumstances)

Business police received report from angry resident that his neighbor, an investment banker, had been awarded a huge bonus from a company whose advice had cost the complainant tens of thousands of dollars. Officers were dispatched to the investment bank's location and discussed matter with executives there. Undisclosed MORE

Could you be a Weiner?

Bing — Wed, 27 Jul 2011 09:00:02 +0000

Take our quiz to find out if you might be at risk of public humiliation.

As we wait for the next idiot in politics, business, or sports to, in a word, expose himself, let us pause to consider this increasingly familiar cultural rite. When our public figures put their smutty little sex lives inadvertently on display, we -- the collective mob -- exclaim, then chuckle, then explode with outrage. But who MORE

Attack of the cloud people

Bing — Wed, 06 Jul 2011 09:00:18 +0000

A cloud is a plume of vapor. Is that really where I want to keep my personal digital treasures?

It being a slow summer workday, I may have been asleep. But there they were, suddenly, three celestial beings hovering over my shoulder, each having descended from one of two rather imposing clouds.

"Go away," I said. "I'm archiving to my local storage solution." They all shook their heads with condescension.

"Behold the Microsoft MORE

Put me on the bench, coach!

Bing — Tue, 05 Jul 2011 15:06:41 +0000

Just when I was getting ready to enjoy my retirement, a goon with a clipboard showed up.

I was about two full days into my dream retirement when Hobbes showed up. It was, like, 7:15 in the morning, and I was just rolling over for my second tranche of shuteye when the doorbell rang and there was some pounding with the knocker and so I got up to see who the MORE

The Little Company That Fell Off the List: A Bingsop Fable

Bing — Thu, 26 May 2011 17:48:36 +0000

When big meets little: A morality tale on corporate envy.

Once upon a time there was a little corporation that, due to circumstances mostly beyond its control, had fallen off the Fortune 500 list. Its revenue was a bit flat. Cost cutting during lean years had left the little corporation less able to compete in a robust operating environment. While it had for some years proudly claimed its status as one MORE

Toyota, I Love You. Goodbye

Bing — Wed, 04 May 2011 16:47:40 +0000

Buying a car from you was a thrill. But I'm just not ready for the kind of relationship you seem to have in mind.

Dearest,

I write this with a heavy heart, but in the knowledge that it must be done. It's become clear over the last months that I am simply more important to you than you are to me. This must end before one or both of us gets hurt. MORE

A coming attraction for my new book — Bingsop’s Fables!

Bing — Mon, 25 Apr 2011 19:10:59 +0000

My new book is out in a couple of days. It's called Bingsop's Fables, and it chronicles the work of Aesop's younger brother, a fellow storyteller who worked in a long-dead corporate culture. His "little morals for big business" still speak to the confused, wretched and terminally employed in all of us.

The book is most splendidly illustrated by New Yorker artist Steve Brodner, who brings the CEOs, HR managers and MORE

My new home

Bing — Mon, 25 Apr 2011 14:24:55 +0000

Greetings everybody.

This week I'm rolling out my new website, which, unsurprisingly, may be found at stanleybing.com. I've missed talking to you every day (well, almost every day) and look forward to continuing my dialogue with you over at Bing's new second home.

This week on stanleybing.com, I'm all in a swivet about the Royal Wedding. My invitation seems to have been lost in the mail, but I'm not going to let that stop MORE

Diary of a mad iPad

Bing — Fri, 18 Mar 2011 09:00:00 +0000

I can give up Angry Birds whenever I like. I just haven't found a good reason to.

"You've got to stop playing that game," said my wife.

"Bah," I said.

"I think you're turning into an Angry Bird," she said.

"Bwee!" I replied. I kicked the dog and headed to the office.

I suppose there are some idiots out there who don't know about Angry Birds. As far as I'm concerned, it's the only reason MORE

Snow day

Bing — Wed, 02 Mar 2011 10:00:42 +0000

Which takes more bravery? Going to work in spite of the weather, or staying home in spite of the scorn?

Oh, lord. Snowing again. Trains will be a mess. Buses will fail to appear. Bob will be in, though. Bob is always in. Bob lives a quarter-mile from the office in a penthouse the size of Versailles and is driven to work in a carriage drawn by Lipizzaners -- why shouldn't MORE

Killer apps I’d like 2C

Bing — Fri, 04 Feb 2011 11:00:34 +0000

New tools for people who are bored by those long, rambling messages on Twitter.

I read an article about how young people no longer e-mail, preferring to text to each other short little messages understandable only by those who text short little messages to each other. The burden of formulating sentences seems to be too much for them. This rang true. Several times over the past year I've sent e-mail to MORE

Playing hurt

Bing — Fri, 14 Jan 2011 10:00:42 +0000

Being a little under the weather didn't keep me from attending the Board dinner. So they tell me, anyway.

Sunday, 8 a.m. Woke with the ever-so-tiniest trickle of something itchy in the back of my throat. "Oh, Lord," I said to my wife. "I don't want to be sick. Not with all that's going on this week. Please, God. Don't let me be sick." "Are you sick?" she asked me. "No," MORE

Is it time to invest again?

Bing — Fri, 24 Dec 2010 10:00:42 +0000

Now that order and sanity have returned to the market, it's hard to imagine how anything could go wrong.

I was sitting around the bunkhouse with a bunch of wealthy capitalists the other day, and we all agreed that the time was right for bigtime reinvestment. As one of them put it, "The economy is back. It's time to take intelligent risks again and make some friggin' money." I have been MORE

The big yawn

Bing — Fri, 03 Dec 2010 08:00:30 +0000

Things we'll all be tired of in about 20 minutes Marketing is the death of the new. It has its purposes in this culture, where if something is not available for sale and distribution, it has no inherent meaning. Marketing hoists objects and activities out of the realm of the personal and into the public [...]

Class struggle

Bing — Fri, 12 Nov 2010 16:44:13 +0000

Writing a check for a soccer uniform, I thought, Gee, when I was a kid, my school had money for that. Most of the time I feel okay with the way things are going. I'm not part of the half of our nation that seems to think everything is heading to hell in a handcart. [...]

Come back, little investor!

Fortune — Fri, 24 Sep 2010 16:13:26 +0000

What Wall Street can do to restore confidence, short of giving back the money it lost. Small investors are fleeing the stock market in droves. Those who cannot gain access to a drove are doing it by themselves. That's lonely work. Pretty soon, all that will be left is the institutional investor, and you know [...]

It stinks to be CEO

Bing — Fri, 03 Sep 2010 07:00:54 +0000

It's time for a new breed of chief executive. I have a proposal. There are really terrible jobs in the world. President of the United States comes to mind. Maybe once it was okay, but now? Where's the fun in it? It doesn't pay half enough. Everybody's out to move your cheese. Even higher on [...]

How Wall Street Is Screwing Up The Recovery

Bing — Thu, 19 Aug 2010 17:31:49 +0000

I had to laugh the other day at the way the Market is behaving, but it wasn't a good laugh. It was one of those dark laughs, full of phlegm and bile, a laugh that dies in the back of your throat, turning before it fades away entirely into a short, sharp growl. One day [...]